Just Another Day at Shinra Inc
by PajamaLinds
Summary: Pokes fun at your average day at Shinra. And still... Reno searches for truth, enlightenment, and his alcohol... despite his ongoing depression.
1. Part One: The Morning

**_Just Another Day at Shinra Inc._**  
_by Pajama-Linds_  
  
AN: Yet another Turk/Shinra fic. A whim for trying to prove several useless ideas. Or rather a Ooo, let's poke fun at Shinra! fic by bringing out stereotypical, rumored, and implied ideas about Shinra.  
  
Wait. I'm overwelmed now. Darn. I have homework to do. Ick.  
  
~*~  
  
The dreaded lump of horrific metal and cheap plastic roared, breaking a sleeping Turk out of his sleep. He replied with a truly intellectual and deeply thought out response to this problem.  
  
Argh... Dammit...  
  
Reno, with half of his energy, slammed the snooze button on his run-down alarm clock and rolled over in his run-down bed in his run-down apartment with the other half of his energy. With his total energy level at zero, he fell back to sleep. What felt like a few minutes later, he pried his eyes open to see how much time he had before he had to hit the snooze button again.  
  
He stared in horror at the clock.  
  
It was an hour after he was supposed to be at work.  
  
Giving a heavy sigh, he swore loudly at the clock for not doing its job, the manufacturers of the clock, the miners that mined for the metal to make the clock, the discoverer of metal... and continued the blamings through this chain until he reached the one who created the universe and found that he couldn't go too much further than that, unless he counted the one who created the one that created the universe, but that was another story in itself.  
  
He especially blamed Tseng for having the Turks get to work this early. And Tseng's parents, but like the one that created the universe, that was another story.  
  
Reno rolled off his bed, not bothering to change out of his Turk suit that he went to bed drunk in, went to the bathroom, and splashed cold water on his face to ease the pains of his hangover. He attempted to remove a rubber band from the rattail part of his hair, but resorted to scissors. Retying his hair back with another rubber band, he got a look at himself in the mirror and grinned. I am one good-looking SOB.  
  
You see, Reno, although intoxicated most of the time, still believed in telling the truth. Even if seemed pointless to criticize the lack of alcohol in the work space of the Turks, it was the truth. As well as muttering to Elena that she talked too much and to Rude that he was a quiet wingnut, it was true. It's not easy to find such an honest person these days.  
  
Of course, these were only his opinions, but he always found reasons to back them up. For example, alcohol would make more productive Turks. Since alcohol is a depressant, it would shut Elena and Tseng up (perhaps put them to sleep, he would hope) and cause a lack of nagging and talking (and flirting) in the office. Tseng would finally take his job less serious and cut back on the workload for himself and for the rest of the Turks. With less work, less work would need to be completed, making more work by percentage completed. Perhaps a pay raise for the outstanding work ethic.  
  
Maybe a chance to get a promotion.  
  
Maybe a chance to get a new apartment.  
  
Maybe a chance to get a new alarm clock.  
  
That would be the life: alcohol in the office. Reno grinned.  
  
Within minutes, he found himself on the private train to the Shinra headquarters. The train was nearly empty, save for a middle-aged man in front and two chattering female interns in the back. Reno sat with his arms outstretched over the seats on either side of him and his legs crossed. He shot a look to the girls and smirked. They quickly smiled flirtatiously back. _The ladies' man_, he thought, and he knew it was true.  
  
~*~


	2. Part Two: The First Hour

**_Just Another Day at Shinra Inc._**  
_by Pajama-Linds_  
  
~*~  
  
When the train stopped at the top of the plate, Reno got off and walked the short distance to the elevator and took it to the floor where the Turks worked. Floor after floor... and floor after floor... and even more floors after that. Reno realized that alcohol could have made this trip go by faster.  
  
Within minutes, he became lost in his own thoughts, staring out to the plate, when the elevator door opened up behind him. He didn't notice the stop, but he did notice the firm hand that placed itself on his shoulder.  
  
What the, sh- he gasped in shock, with a rather large jump. He spun around and saw a large Rude standing silently behind him.  
  
He muttered, Would you press Up' please? and stepped in to avoid the closing doors.  
  
Reno, who still hadn't had his depressant for the day, was still in shock from the surprise with his heart beating extremely fast. He suddenly burst out with a nervous laugh. Rude, Rude, buddy... you can't keep scarin' everyone in the elevator like that. Whoo. He put his hand over his chest. You could give some old guy a heart attack... like Palmer. Y' know, Palmer? Hah-hah... That'd kill   
  
While Reno babbled on nervously about cardiac arrest and overweight, elderly people, Rude reached over and pressed the up' button. He stared ahead, unmoving, even while Reno fell over himself in laughter of meaningless conversation and occasionally hit Rude on the shoulder when making a bad joke.  
  
What seemed like hours later to Rude and seconds later to Reno, the elevator stopped at their floor. Rude got out slowly, and Reno followed... only to be stopped within steps by an angry, tired, and overworked Tseng.  
  
he started, calmly, but clearly angry. This is the forth time this week. When will you get your act together and start arriving on time?  
  
Reno, however, swayed back and forth, as if he were in a trance didn't hear him. Tseng barked loudly. Reno continued to sway. This time a small smirk appeared on the redheaded Turk's face. Tseng took a deep breath of air, shook his head, and said, Reno, if you keep this up, I'm going to have to limit how much alcohol you consume in the evenings proceeding working days.  
  
With that, Reno stopped swaying. That was a blow to his lifestyle; a threat to take his alcohol away. That was about as bad as those damned alarm clocks and those miners.  
  
Tseng realized that his point had been made, so he turned swiftly and walked away, letting his long, straight black hair billow out behind him. Unbeknownst to him, a small chunk of his hair was missing in the back, which Reno noticed quickly.  
  
Rather, he noticed the giggling blonde hiding behind a statue holding that missing chunk of Tseng-hair, looking very delighted like Palmer when he has his sugar-saturated tea within reach. He smirked. _Typical Elena_. Now, if she had a tad bit of alcohol in her bloodstream, then Tseng might have had his hair still a part of him. She couldn't hold her drinks too well, so throwing up or collapsing on the floor would have been a dead giveaway.  
  
Truth.  
  
Rude, on the other hand, had found his desk and had started shifting papers around, almost like a Tseng incarnate. Almost. Tseng would never follow Reno to a bar and be his drinking buddy. And Rude would never have anything to say against alcohol.  
  
Reno watched Rude for a few seconds, then decided to converse one-sidedly with him. He crept up to his own desk next to Rude, sat down, put his feet on a mound of papers, opened his mouth, took a quick intake of air... and was interrupted by a shrieking Scarlet behind him.  
  
Kya-ha-ha! Reno! You're such a fool! He heard high heels behind him, suddenly felt a leg on his lap and saw manicured nails on his chest. Next to him, Reno could have sworn Rude rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses.  
  
He groaned loudly to show his annoyance, and tried his best to ignore the leg swung around his lap. Can't a man try to converse with his friend without hearing your barks? Truth struck again.  
  
You shouldn't tick Tseng off like that, she said, disregarding his comment. You could get fired... Do you have _any_ idea how _sad_ I would be? With that, she leaned forward, trying to get Reno to get a glimpse of her cleavage.  
  
Reno yawned.  
  
Scarlet huffed loudly. _Fine_, then-  
  
Are you disrupting the work of one of my men again? came a soft voice from behind Scarlet. Tseng had appeared, and was frowning at the scene that was in front of him.  
  
She withdrew her leg, and smirked. Someday, Reno. Someday. And she left (giving a show of her leg from her high dress to Tseng) to go... _talk_ to a busy and nervous-looking Reeve.  
  
And Reno really wished he could have warned him.  
  
I need a drink... he groaned.  
  
~*~  
  
AN: Oh, man. I remember when I played that part when Rude came onto the elevator when Cloud was trying to escape from the Shinra HQ... scared the crap out of me. ^^;;


	3. Part Three: The Dramatics

Just Another Day at Shinra Inc.  
by Pajama-Linds  
  
AN: I'm going to make *cookies* tonight! And thanks to the ever persistent (and great ^^) Anie-Anie, this story has an update.  
  
*plays Dvorak's Symphony No. 8 in G Major Allegretto Grazioso really, really loudly*  
  
~*~  
  
An hour later (while Reeve was still being tormented by a touchy Scarlet), Reno had a sudden idea to get his booze. It was genius, no one could ever hope, not even in their wildest dreams, to come up with such a brilliant idea...  
  
No one could come close to the acting he was about perform in the office.  
  
He took this one step at a time, thinking it out carefully in his sober mind. Making sure Tseng was in his range of vision, he started by holding his breath. Long moments later, his face began to turn a lovely shape of pink. More moments later, his pink face became red and sweat began to appear on his forehead.  
  
Once he felt like passing out, the next thing was to suddenly hyperventilate. A rather obnoxious thing to do, especially to poor Rude in the space next to him. _Sorry Rude_, he thought. _A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do to get what he... needs. Yes, NEEDS! Need my alcohol, need my alcohol... my... alcohol... alcohooooool... hrm... I am so smart. Which reminds me, I need to pick up groceries on the way home..._  
  
Tseng heard the annoyingly loud gasping from his desk and walked calmly over. What's going on over here?  
  
Reno looked up at him with pained eyes. Sir, my head... I can't feel my legs... Air... When the moment was perfect for such a stunt, Reno fell out of his chair and started twitching.  
  
Suddenly alarmed, Tseng crouched down by Reno. What's wrong?! Rude stood up, glanced over from his desk, rolled his eyes, and sat back down.  
  
In-intense pain all over... Reno started taking shorter gasps. Need something t-to numb pain...  
  
Tseng blinked, an alarming look in his eye. He cradled Reno's head in his arm. Aspirin? Ibuprofen? Morphine? What?  
  
Reno coughed. _Don't blow it_, he told himself. _Don't give it away too soon..._ Perhaps alcohol... _DAMMIT, YOU FOOL!_  
  
Tseng held his gaze for a moment, then let Reno's head fall free from his arms and hit the floor (). For a brief moment, he looked as though he was going to murder someone, particularly Reno (who slowly let an apologetic grin sneak on his face). There was an angry pause, before Tseng let loose. Reno, don't you EVER do that AGAIN! A red-faced Reeve looked over, as well as Scarlet, Elena suddenly perked her head up from a neighboring desk, and Rude didn't say anything. You know company rules, not DO NOT ask or beg or dramatize for any sort of a certain beverage AGAIN! Tseng had stood up and let Reno get up by himself. That's one thousand gil off your next paycheck.  
  
Reno scoffed. Tseng, Tseng, Tseng... can't you take a j-  
  
Two thousand!  
  
What the-- that's not f-  
  
Three thousand!  
  
Oh, c-  
  
Four thousand. Now sit down before I take off more!!  
  
Reno held Tseng's gaze for a moment, then sat down, sulking. Tseng started at Reno for a moment before turning away and brushing his clothes off. Tseng turned his head ever so slightly for Reno to know who he's talking to. You caused me to get dirt on my pants. Four thousand and fifty off. He turned away again.  
  
Reno stuck his tongue out at Tseng, then rested his head on his desk. Since he was sober (still), this moment would be a scar in his memories until he got a hold of some booze, passed out, and woke up the following morning.  
  
_#%&*@ it all..._ he groaned. Looking back at Tseng, he noticed that another chunk of his hair was missing.  
  
He smirked happily.  
  
~*~


	4. Part Four: Intermission & The Lunch Hour

**_Just another day at Shinra Inc._**  
  
AN: Yeah.  
  
~*~  
  
Poor Reeve, all alone at his desk and stood flustered by Scarlet. Reno, watching from the opposite corner, smirked as Reeve shook his head and Scarlet gasped haughtily. _There you go, Reeve..._ Reno thought.  
  
~*~  
  
It was 12:30 in the afternoon when Reno excused himself from the workplace to the lunchroom. Tseng had changed his keycard to not allow him to leave the building during the day, so Shinra Inc.'s food was the only option for lunch. Rude was engrossed in paperwork for a recent Turks mission (which ended in a success, save for the fact that Rude's right eyebrow had somehow gone missing) so Reno's departure to get food went unnoticed.  
  
Unnoticed by everyone, save for Scarlet. She hopped off Reeve's desk, adjusted her showy dress, and followed at a distance. Reeve, red-faced and irritated, finally began his work for the day.  
  
The selection of mock-gourmet Shinra Incorporated food seemed much smaller today than other days. Reno guessed it was just another day for him, which had been particularly bad so far, and the choices weren't as they once seemed. Or maybe it was the fact that the beer-battered haddock was missing. Yeah, that was it. Reno frowned.  
  
After some contemplation, he chose duck breast with a light blueberry sauce on the side, creamed garlic potatoes with a nasturtium in the middle, and a glass of mineral water with a slice of lemon. The lunch lady serving the drinks smirked at Reno, hinting at the wine glasses behind her. Instead of coming up with an efficient response such as shove it, ya old bag, he scoffed over to a table in the corner.  
  
Groups of people were just starting to come off the elevator to Reno's displeasement. Scarlet emerged, flashing an apologetic smile to a middle-aged man who she accidentally hit. She scanned the room. Reno leaned on his hand, looked away, and raised his middle finger across his cheek. Moments later, he heard Scarlet's heels approaching and carefully, he started scratching his head with the said finger. He smiled to himself when he heard a huff of haughtiness and heels walking away.  
  
Watching the people cluster around the food reminded Reno of a time long ago. Back in his high school days... at the Sector 2 High School, at his senior prom... ah, he would never forget that. Reno failed to find a date for the night (after being turned down by every girl in the school, save for Scarlet, who he had to pick up). Instead of moping around, he decided to seek amusement and, skillfully and bravely, spike the punch.  
  
Reno chuckled to himself, taking another spoonful of the potatoes.  
  
He would never forget the people falling over themselves like dominoes, laughing hysterically and feeling the best that they have ever felt in their high school lives. He eventually joined in, both to enjoy himself and to avoid detention from the principle (which would have meant a dismissal from going on the senior trip to Sector 6).  
  
He finished his duck, dropping his fork onto the plate noisily, took a sip of the water... then suddenly realized that the food served here was... good.  
  
Very good.  
  
And... filling.  
  
And something suddenly didn't seem right.  
  
Reno gasped. He looked at his plate in shock.  
  
_I ate good food here_.  
  
_I _noticed_ that I ate good food here_.  
  
No altering substance. No memory loss. No wonder. Reno calmly walked back to the elevator, closed the door, and screamed. Why would Tseng be so hard on a poor Turk like that?  
  
Then he felt a hand on his shoulder, and screamed again.  
  
~*~


End file.
